Tuesday, August 21, 2012


What a frustrating weekend! 

It started with my lovely dog-child, Sitka, destroying an antique silver box in which I used to keep my valuable earrings.  She is still very angry at me for putting her in boarding last weekend while the movers were here.  It was such a pretty little box too--from 1901, with a Alpha Tau Omega crest on the lid, and engraved with the name and date of an event.  I assume that it was given as a favor during the event.  It managed to last 111 years until Sitka decided to exercise her grudge against me on the poor little box.

The weekend continued to disintegrate when my long-awaited Verizon FIOS appointment had to be postponed because I don't have an external ground--whatever that is.  So, now, I still don't have Internet access at home and I have to pay to have an external ground installed.  Sigh...

But the worst part of the weekend was yet to come.  I invited a friend over so that she could look through mom's quilting material and take what she wanted.  I've given up on sewing!  While she was there, she offered to help me move the boxes with mom's cow creamers in them.  With the boxes of material gone, there was a perfect spot for putting them.  I started stacking the boxes on a table so that she could move them in place, and then it happened--a cow-tastrophe!  The boxes I had stacked tumbled off the side and crashed, breaking about 90% of the creamers inside.  And boy, did they break!  There were little legs and head and pieces everywhere!  I know it's just stuff, but mom would be kicking my butt for causing her cows get, um, creamed

Sometimes... scratch that... Often, since my mom died, I feel as though I'm not living up to her standards.  The house is filled with stuff looking for a place to call home, dog hair is everywhere, and they won't stop peeing in the back hall.  It's been seven months and I just now have stuff out of my house, and the house is still not ready to put on the market.  I realize now that I have to go through absolutely everything before I can even have an estate sale unless I want to cart it to Goodwill myself.  Nothing has really been accomplished with the financial accounts.  I feel as though I've spent way too much money--although not on frivolous things, but things like the plumber (been out four times since January) and on moving.  And now I'm not even being a good steward to the things mom and dad left behind:  I've broken all those cow creamers, Juneau broke an expensive lamp, and I'm selling daddy's books for next to nothing.  I just feel like she be so disappointed with me.  Mom was so good at everything; she made everything look so simple.  In contrast, I feel like it's such a struggle for me.

I miss having mom around to be my cheerleader--to tell me that I'm not a total screw-up, even when i feel like I am.  Maybe I'll just go to Target and buy that cow creamer I saw!