Many years ago, I started this blog because I saw cool people blogging about cool things, and I wanted to be one of them. Of course, I'm not cool, and I don't ususally do cool things, so the blog was pretty "blah" and my interest waned. When my mom died, however, I was left without my favorite outlet for my feelings and thoughts. So, I revived Puff, the Magic Dragon. Over the last two years, I have very much enjoyed sharing things with my readers.
Most of my posts are pretty mundane--about my dogs, or the vintage things I like to collect. This post, however, is deeply personal. So bear with me, and I'll return you to the dogs and collectibles soon.
I never dreamed that having my last remaining parent die would stir up such a storm of feelings. Oh, don't get me wrong--of course I knew that I would grieve her loss. But I assumed that I would grieve, and well, that would be that. Little did I realize that her death would make me feel so many things besides just grief. Suddenly, I had to be strong and do all the right things, because there was no one else to do them. I've heard it said that you never really grow up until your last parent dies; I guess whoever said that really knew what they were talking about.
Over the last two years, I've felt so old, for lack of a better word. So many responsibilities, so many decisions, with no one to help me make them. I didn't even bat an eyelash when I turned 50 last September--probably because I felt as though I were 70!
Something happened in November, though, that shook up my world--and when I tell you what it is you're going to laugh your heads off at my silliness. Now those of you who know me, know that I'm single; one failed marriage was enough for me! I don't generally pay too much attention to men. I have too much other stuff to worry about. However, when People Magazine published their "Sexiest Man Alive" for 2013, I noticed that their choice--Adam Levine--is a Hottie McHotterson! Of course he is, he's the SEXIEST MAN ALIVE! And, all of a sudden, hormones I forgot I had woke up and started to cha cha!
Now please don't think I am deluded! I know Adam Levine is not my soul mate; I know I will never even meet him; and I know he wouldn't have anything to do with me at any rate. But I'd forgotten how much fun I used to have when I was younger, obsessing over my celebrity crushes. And, suddenly, I remembered that I'm not 70! I'm only 50--plenty of time to have a good time and sow a few more wild oats!
Not only that, this whole thing made me realize that I've been trying to act like my mother. Not that there is anything wrong with the way my mom was--it's just that I'm not her! Maybe that's why I've been having such a hard time. It's like trying to wear clothing that doesn't fit. You can't make it work, no matter how badly you wish it would. I'm not my mom, and I never will be. It's time for me to be ME again.
Since I noticed his hottness (and how did I ever miss it before?), I've had such a good time! I'm listening to music again, I got a new tattoo (oh yes I did!), and I've just been having more fun in general. So, thank you Adam Levine! You'll never know what you did for me, but I do appreciate it. You are a beautiful man!
